Tuesday, September 9, 2008

Dr. Phil lives with me

Dad was off today and so we followed our usual Monday routine on Tuesday. we watched Dr. Phil and then Maury, and discussed at length.

we came to a discussion that had been started long ago but never completed: what right does a woman have in pursuing a man who is already taken? and by taken, we were excluding married men.

my opinion was this: none. i cant see myself helping another man cut out on a woman he is involved with. i know girls that do this without a single shred of guilt. Dad felt that i have just as much right to this man as his girlfriend/fiancee/baby mama. shocked? i know i was.

he said that any man or woman is fair game if they arent married. and if you want them to NOT be fair game, some rings need to be exchanged. he said you never know when someone might be meant for you, but they are involved with someone else. i agreed, but also pointed out that before it gets to a sexual or serious nature, you should have the decency to step back and say "you know what, i am really feeling you, but you have someone. so if you want to leave her and be with me, thats fine, but im not crossing that line". im not encouraging people to leave their partners, but if you wanted to be with me and had someone, you owe her the decency to not be a bastard/whore in the process and let that person go. Dad kinda threw me off even more when he said that unless you are married to that person, you shouldnt go after the person they are messing with. you take that up with your partner.

now he also pointed out that once you are married?? well hell, if that person crosses that line, its game on. call her and tell her that he/she needs to back off. tell your partner to cut it or be cut.

after Dr Phil went off, we watched Maury. we love Maury. its the only show where 1000% means anything...

Maury is truly like watching a parade of sluts, whether its the man with 4 kids he is denying that are ALL the same age, or the woman on the stage for the 8th time looking for her child's father. it just never ends, and says a lot for American culture. premarital sex used to be an issue. now, i think its crossed the line to promiscuous.

fictional Maury guest Bob: how on earth do you cheat on your wife and they say you love her? once is not acceptable, but it can be worked out. mistakes happen. drunkenness happens. caught up in the moment happens. but twice a week, in her bed, while she is at work, for 3 years? YOU DO NOT LOVE THAT WOMAN. you are a coward who is scared to tell her that you want to move on and do other things/people. you might have decent reasons to stay anyway, like the overwhelming amount of money in child support you will be paying, but you need to be true to yourself.

fictional guest Mary: girl are you kidding...once you let him stay after the second time you caught him cheating, its a wrap. HE DOES NOT LOVE YOU. and if he does, he has a sexual addiction or something he needs to work out. Dr Phil says you teach people how to treat you. and when you give chance after chance after UNDESERVED chance, that man knows that you wont be leaving anytime soon, if at all. he will continue to stray, and you wont learn your lesson until he ends up giving you aids or something.

that is how i came to my conclusion to part ways with Nel. i had showed him how to treat me. i let things slide and was not true to myself. i didnt like what was going on, and he knew it, and i completely relapsed into thinking he would change. has he learned his lesson? only he knows, but i know i dont see any evidence yet.

the best thing dad told me today was this: you cant change a man. you can stick around and give him some time, but he has to figure out what he needs to change, and if he thinks you are worth it, and cannot live his life without you, he WILL change. if he doesnt? well you know where you stand...