Monday, February 23, 2009


A man is to respect, serve, and love his own woman...the same woman. He is to fill her above the brim with respect and love of herself. All that runs over will be his, because if she respects and loves herself, she will respect and love him. --PrettyBoy, on

hm. i love that quote. i dont know if its from a philosopher, or a poet, but it rings true in so many ways...

as of February 28, i have had to end things with Nel on a permanant note. things werent working and he was oblivious. i asked him did he think things were getting better and he said yes. YES??? Really?

ladies (and gents) if you experience any of these warning signs, its time to split.

1. you notice your attitude plunge southward when he comes around. i became uberbitch when he appeared and he was constantly asking why i was being so rude? it was because his very presence pissed me off. why? i dont know. and that is what is so scary.

2. you just dont give a shit about anything to do with your appearance. at all. get my hair done? why? change out of pajamas? get my mind it got to the point where i didnt feel i needed to get cute for him even though we hadnt seen each other for a week.

3. he comes, you leave. i would have thought this was obvious with him. despite the fact that i get NO BREAK being mommy during the week, i made sure i was MIA when he got bar? didnt matter. i would get sexy and sit at walmart if i had to, but i had to make it seem that i would and could get someone else.

those are just a few of the things i noticed about myself, they may or may not pertain to you but be careful about number 1...its a doozy and i realized how nasty i was to everyone when he got here! im sure there are other signs that i might not have had but i sure did notice these three and now that he is not my concern, my life has lightened up a bit...

Saturday, February 7, 2009

So Long...for now?

so you probably wanna know about last week, and our convo about putting a halt to trying to work things out. and i dont blame you, so here is some clarification.
first off, when i said i dont wanna move down there because i just dont...that is it. i just dont. there is no hidden reason. im not running down there behind you, and thats what i would be doing, because i have nothing else down there to go for.
you have to admit, that whole text message thing threw us off, but all it did was separate us long enough to take a look at things and see if they needed to continue. well, i guess you didnt take time to think while we had a break. you have to realize, when u drive a wedge between us, it gives me time to think...u have to be willing to accept what i discover during that time.
why ON EARTH would you mention marriage? two years ago when i mentioned it, i got an hour long lecture about how i was "pressuring you". and then, just last week, u had the nerve to tell me i was doing what all your friends said i would do when we got married. so whats changed your mind? are you now willing to accept my changes and how things might be? i dont believe it.
i dont want you to think that i dont love you anymore, or i dont like you. i just cant be with you. maybe thats permanent, maybe its temporary. but right this second, i want to be by myself. we have done a lot of growing in the past 6 years, we arent the same people anymore, you need to realize that just like i did not too long ago. we have different goals now. i want to be on my own. because of circumstances in my life, i have never had a chance to do things for myself and thats what i want! we both still have a lot of growing up to do...take this time and figure out what you really want, because that is what im doing too.