after a very interesting weekend, i returned home to a peaceful, quiet, clean home. the girls were still with Nel at his parents house an hour away. after a dinner out where we chatted in a friendly fashion, we brought them home, put them to bed and chatted for a while.
Well apparently, he had a lot on his chest. for about ten minutes he fussed at me for not telling him how i was feeling before i broke up with him. as i sat and listened to him, i realized he was kinda right. i never did just sit him down and say "look, im not feeling things, you do xyz and i hate it and i just cant keep on". i simply had an attitude. when i asked him if the attitude clued him in at all, he looked at me like i was crazy and said "are you kidding? youve had an attitude since you lost your job! how am i suppose to tell the difference??"
my dad asked me at the beginning of this entire situation if i had told Nel what the deal was...had i actually sat him down and said what i felt and what he needed to work on. being a woman, i hinted, mentioned, suggested, sugar coated, and assumed....Dad said something to me that i will remember from now on: men have to be TOLD. you cant assume they got it, or sugar coat it. you have to say it as clearly as possible, or else they just wont get it sometimes...and thats what i did. i know now that it was unfair to expect him to change when he had no clue/was unclear what i was unhappy about.
now, does this change my mind about things? lol, no it doesnt. but it did give me a chance to apologize to him for that, and he knows from now on, whatever i feel the need to say, im going to say it, so there is no excuse later on.
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5 comments:
Interesting post. I hear women say all the time men are dumb, they just don't get it, but I think you just proved that people can't get what they aren't told.
It's good you have someone you trust that will give you advice.
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Awww Sadiqua....I wish I had known this was the case way back then and I certainly would have told you...Men are so simple to figure out...Sometimes women make the simplest easiest things difficult.We want men to automatically know who,what,when where how and why...It's like damn I gotta tell you everything you can't figure it out...It's funny that they can keep up with all sports scores and who made how many touchdowns and what all the calls are in a game but you can't figure out that I need help around the house and a hug for no reason! But as the saying goes a closed mouth don't get fed...You live, you learn and then you move on!
i guess i really needed to hear this....i kinda got in a tiff with my honey and instead of telling him what was up i figured he should have known too off of similar hints...guess i will keep this in my book of "for the next time..." talk about a large glass of lemonade
Imma have to co-sign on the being told business. I myself don't read into situations AT ALL, i have to be told bluntly which leads to a lot of awkward and heartfelt moments BUT It makes life easier. If both parties in a relationship were blunt it would make the "married" or LTR a very easy and happy process.
Yes us men can be play slow at times, lol. The truth is most of the time we know some thing is wrong but would rather not rock the boat by asking, we kind of figure if its a serious issue you'll say something. Then we walk along thinking every thing is great but its not and our short term emotional memory is shocked and awed that your fed up and out the door.
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