I just called, to say...you know the rest.

yesterday while i was feeding the baby Nel called. we spoke for a minute and then i passed the phone off to Ari. i find it easier to do that, because it is hard to talk to him. i try to be formal, courteous even, but it just brings back memories.

once she was done, he wanted to talk to me again, but since i was busy i told her to tell him i would call him back later.

i called him right as i was getting in bed. he just wanted to say goodnight, and that he missed us and would like to work on things. i reminded him that things are the way they are because of him. i felt it was only fair. i dont think i should get the bad rap because i didnt just push the issues under the rug. my mom didnt raise me like some women are: "all men cheat/lie and its okay. you just ignore it and things will be fine." oh hell no.

i think back to what my dad had talked about the other day, that anybody not married was fair game in this world. one thing i neglected to ask him was the steps to take if you are the one getting "cheated" on. i guess now i realize there is no step. you either have them, or you don't. and once you realize that you don't have them, you have to leave and keep on with your life. if they decide to return, well, its up to you to decide whether they deserve you or not.

when we were hanging up, i had a feeling he would say it. chalk it up to knowing him for six years. he said goodnight, i said goodnight, and then he paused before he said "i love you"...

i said ok, goodnight, and hung up. cold? maybe. but in my book you cant throw an ILY up in a situation after your repeated actions clearly give the impression that you dont...