Tuesday, June 23, 2009

Ten People I Hate: a Throwback

Posted April 2008
Ten people i hate...are you one of them?


there are ten people i hate. please tell me you are not one of them...

10. Mrs. walks-too-slowly-across-the-street-at-walmart...is there lead in your a**? i was nice enough to let you cross in front of me, why can't you move faster??? This aint Maymont, no strolling. Move it.

9. Mr. picks-his-nose-at-the-stop-light...dude, unless you are in the back of a limo, WE CAN ALL SEE YOU. please, use a kleenex. or at least a leftover napkin from Quiznos. save your gold mining for somewhere less public. its gross.

8. Mrs. doesnt-discipline-her-kids-in-public...aka Mrs. whispering softly to Bobby to please get out the floor next to produce and i promise ill buy you a happy meal and two toys...this is all very simple. hand + a** = being able to go in public and not look like a crappy parent.

7. Mr. i-cant-decide-what-to-order-at-the-McDonalds-drivethru. unless you are from a remote island in indiginous Peru, you know what a Mcdonalds is. for those 7 people, Mcdonalds has basically three things. Beef, fries, and etc. really, just pick a number 1 thru 10, and say "with a coke" and you will probably be okay. dont make me get out the car...

6. Mrs. WELCOME-TO-WACHOVIA-WOULD-YOUR-CHILD-LIKE-A-LOLLIPOP???... lady, she didnt even realize you had them until three loud seconds ago. now, if i say yes, i have to find wrappers and sticks for the next six months, and clean sticky handprints off my back windows. not to mention the hyperactivity. if i say no, i have to hear whining. its a catch 22.

5. Mr. doesnt-hold-the-door-for-ANYONE... you sir, are an a**. i have met you at every possible establishment. dont pretend you dont see me struggling with two children, a diaper bag and a stroller. one of these days you are going to catch me after a sleepless night and im gonna let you have it.

4. Mrs. loud-private-cell-phone-conversation-in-the-checkout-line...wow. this has been a very informative 3 minutes in line behind you. not only does your sisters ex lovers cousin have an std, he hasnt come out the closet and he just bought a new honda. throw in the fact that you are totally fixing Aunt Trudys pot roast for dinner, and you owe me about ten minutes of my life back.

3. mr/mrs international-bill-collector/telemarketer. hm. yeah, um, Sprint? in the future, i will totally need someone WHO SPEAKS ENGLISH FLUENTLY to handle my issues. please do not connect me to an Indian person named Lisa. (Lisa? really? thats your birth name? i think not.) and nnnnooooooooo. i dont need somebody from New Dheli telling me about vacation packages. i swear the next one to call is gonna get a speech about bills and why 6 nights in Jamaica aint gonna pay them.

2. mr or mrs whoever-controls-the-gas-prices. your a** is mines.

1. Mr and miss I-HATE-MY-JOB-SO-I AM-GONNA-COMPLAIN-LOUDLY-ABOUT-IT-IN-FRONT-OF-MY-CUSTOMER. usually in their teenaged years, this species seems to be concentrated in my local Walmart. this animal can change right in front of your eyes, usually into the elusive I-CANT-WAIT-TO-GET-OFF-IN-TEN-MINUTES, or even the I-GOT-OFF-HALF-AN-HOUR-AGO-WHY-ISNT-MY-REPLACEMENT-HERE-YET. look, i hate coming into walmart as much as you hate working here, so i know how you feel. i understand that half your co-workers didnt bring their hungover a**es in today. i also understand you are one of the 3 cashiers open at 5:30 in the afternoon on a Saturday when there are 30 other lanes. but please, work with me. you ring up my trash bags, $5.00 gallon of milk, and wine coolers, and i wont tell your boss that you "was totally 'bout to walk up out dis b*tch". see? im easy to get along with!


honorable mentions: Ms. doesnt-fill-my-cup-all-the-way-at-the-Wendys-drivethru, mrs. mispronounces-my-name-LOUDLY-in-the-doctors-office-waiting-room, Mr. talks-to-me-like-a-child-when-i-get-my-oil-changed, and ex-President Bush.

6 comments:

dalioness said...

I hate people who get their nails done and their hair is always jacked up!!! How the hell can your nails take priority over your hair?

JSADTheKing said...

I might be mister loud phone call guy if I'm on the pphone with my boy and the shyt is funny I might be loud. LOL

thundacat said...

LMAOOOO i loooved these!!! every single one...loved it and hate those ppl too!!!

**5 Star Chick** said...

OMG!!! I work for Wachovia and we actually have to give out the lollipops as a way to show we go out of our way to please you(the customer) BUT.....I ask the parent quietly 1st b4 i offer it to the kids. B/C i know sum parents prefer kids not to have them.

Eb the Celeb said...

I have to add Mrs doesnt have enough money but steady piles groceries in my cart and then after the cashier rings everything up you are one by one taking things off the bill... ugugghh

Reggie said...

Yeah, I hate those mofos too!!! But not as much as the old black man, who is invariably at the dealership everytime I go to get work done on my Camry; who sits in the waiting room and complains about Barack Obama and his spending policies and questions his citizenship while grinning at Becky Sue and Amber. Who are more than willing to entertain his coonery and smile at all the teeth he shows them......even the brown ones.